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semesterxabroad
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Name: Elaine
Birthday: 3/2/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: TV; movies; celebrities; cultural studies; anthropology; French; Democratic National Party; reading; gay & metrosexual boys; music; Business Professionals of America [BPA]; Greek mythology; Ivan Basso; Le Tour de France; Michael Phelps's torso; pop culture
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
MSN: xgosniffglue@hotmail.com
Member Since:
3/25/2005
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| You know how there are some things in your life that you just don't question? Lately, I have been on the fence about that thing, especially today, right now. It's silly, what I've done to myself, what my situation in this particular part of my life has become. It makes me want so much to just get away from it. I want to crush every aspect of my life tied with it because I honestly believe that the "out of sight, out of mind" can recede it from my memory. I want to get on a plane and fly to somewhere, anywhere, and rest assured that no one knows my name, where I come from. I want to be a mystery. Start over from scratch, although I never really did that in the first place. So I guess just start for the first time. | | |
| "What's in your wallet wristlet?"
aka "Let's procrastinate on French homework"
- Points card for rides and games at Jolly Rogers Amusement Parks in Ocean City, MD
- Receipts (P.F. Chang's, No. 1 Chinese Restaurant, Chipotle, Perfume Galaxy, Goucher College Bookstore)
- 2 Band-Aids
- 2 Phonathon Bucks
- $25 Best Buy gift card
- $25 Target gift card
- Movie ticket stubs (Time Traveler's Wife, The Fourth Kind, SAW VI, Orphan)
- Goucher College fall dance concert ticket
- Preferred customer cards (Smoothie King, Harry & David, Hallmark Gold Crown, Superfresh, Supercuts, Blockbuster)
- Delaware library card
- Passport information card
- Goucher College post office mailbox key
- Business cards (The Insurance Market, Transcending Boundaries Campaign for Goucher College)
- Burt's Bees lip balm
- Visine
- 2 Claritin tablets
- 3 Ricola cough drops
- Free plain slice token for Grotto Pizza
- Flash drive
- Honest Tea bottle cap ("We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are." -- Max Depree)
- Pass pin for the Philadelphia Museum of Art
- Fortune cookie fortune ("A good time to start something new.")
- 3 health cards
- 2 bank cards
- 2 IDs (Goucher College, Delaware driver's license)
- 4 bobby pins
- $1.67 in loose change
Clearly, I need to clean this thing out.
(Special thanks to Coach for making wristlets big enough to hold all of this crap!)
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| Coming back to Goucher was supposed to make everything that happened with Cole magically go away. Out of sight, out of mind. He has sent me picture forwards, Happy Halloweens, and Happy Thanksgivings, but that's about it. Except for this one time a few weeks ago. I received a picture message from him of Harry Potter T-shirts, one being of the Slytherin House emblem, asking me if I wanted it. I told him no, not particularly to which he responded with a :( face. When I asked him what that meant, he said "It's messed up that you wouldn't wear a shirt if I got it for you!" So, to make amends, I said that I would wear it, sure, if it was given to me, but I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way and ask for it. Then, he said he would only get it for me if he could personally deliver it. I didn't say anything else after that.
Fast forward to today. I wake up from a nap with Jose and find a text from Cole, saying he saw Joaquin at the mall. After Jose left, I called Joaquin and was told they just talked about me, which is understandable--knowing me is the only thing they really have in common. Then Quina told me Cole said there was a shirt in Hot Topic that I really liked and that he was considering getting it for me for Christmas.
I never said I liked the shirt to the point where I wanted to own it.
I don't have the kind of friendship with him where I would accept and give presents.
LJ is suggesting I just avoid him at Grotto's by saying I don't want to be scheduled to work at the same time as him. That would be silly and cause the managers to raise some eyebrows. The last thing I want to do is cause problems for him at work. He doesn't need that, and I'm an asshole, sure, but not that big of an asshole. I could just not go back to Grotto's, but again, that would be silly; it's a guaranteed job that I'm familiar with and that I do like [sometimes]. LJ's other suggestion, for the moments Cole would try to meet up with me outside of work to give me my gift, was to say that I'm out with friends. Totally plausible, as I said that every time over the summer. I even brought up Cole's girlfriend (I think her name is Megan) on numerous occasions, saying she probably wouldn't appreciate him hanging out with me . . . at 1 AM . . . by ourselves. He understands we aren't going to be dating each other, nor are we going to mess around, but still . . . it just seems strange to me that he's so adamant on getting me a gift when he's known me for all of five months, three and a half of them spent with me at college, away from him.
Maybe I'm reading too much into his generosity?
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Since typing out the above, I found out that he already bought me something. What do I do!? I want to tell Jose, but everyone (LJ, Melissa, Puffin, Joaquin) is advising me not to. But by not telling him, I feel like it will only make things worse if he finds out.
If only I hadn't given in in the first place.
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| Today is definitely a Lazy Sunday. I slept for 10 hours and feel like I could sleep for 10 more. The only productive thing I've accomplished since waking up was going to the Ath to meet Cornelia and Jake to talk about how we'll be dividing up the debate. Now, I should be studying for my French exam tomorrow or my Stats exam on Tuesday, but I can procrastinate a little more, I think.
In other news, around 11 on Friday, I was out with some friends and got a call from José. He said he was lonely and didn't want to sleep alone and asked if he could sleep at Goucher with me. It was such a nice surprise that I had to say yes. We hung around my room for a bit before he decided he was hungry--at 2 AM. His GPS lead us to a Burger King that had closed weeks, maybe months, ago and our only other option at such an ungodly hour was McDonald's. Fortunately for me, I had been craving a cheeseburger (and a way to clog my arteries) for the last month or so. Usually health-conscious, José was so hungry that he didn't protest. We pulled into an empty parking space and ate the delicious fuel for our future heart attacks; it reminded me so much of the beginning of our relationship when we'd do that every weekend. Upon getting back to my room, José requested that I give him a few minutes to check his Facebook. I obliged him and while he was online, he changed our relationship status back to "in a relationship." I know that seems really insignificant and silly to some people, but for us, it was a big deal. For him to even consider getting back together with me a month ago was HUGE. Between then and now, we discussed that he wasn't ready to tell other people about us because he was afraid something would happen that would make him want to change his mind. Like, we would get into a fight or one of us would fall back into an old habit that would, in turn, give rise to formerly executed arguments. Since then, we have been communicating more and more effectively, explaining to each other why we dislike something and suggesting alternatives. I am less likely to lose my temper with him over little ridiculous things, and he is less likely to knowingly annoy me. A lot of people have commented on his profile with positive things, but I haven't been so fortunate. Joaquin sent me a private message saying "Seriously, Elaine?!" and Melissa told me she isn't too happy with it. I understand their concern and I know they think this will end badly, but I can't help it. What José and I have means something. You don't find yourself in many relationships like that very often. I like the idea that we're meant to be together forever, but, even if that's not true, we're meant to be together right now. | | |
| Jokingly, I told Cole he should come into Grotto's for lunch and request me as his server. As I walked away from a table with their empty cups in my hand, I turned my head to the entrance; lo and behold, he was walking toward me. He got his plate, silverware, and straw (something I was supposed to do as his server) and sat himself down at one of my tables. I took his order--raspberry iced tea, cheesesteak sub with extra cheese, lettuce, ketchup, and mayo; why I remember that, I have no idea--placed it, and went back to his table to chat. It didn't look too badly, because Amanda was also talking with us, but when I went back into the kitchen to get him a refill, Kristin asked me if he was alone and why he was eating there. "It's weird that he's acting like this because he has a girlfriend." Coming to his defense, I said that he was there to bother me, which was believable if one had walked by his table. He had littered his table with pieces of pickle cut impossibly small, a shredded straw wrapper, drops of mayo, and a smiley face made of ketchup.
Becky overheard my excuse and said in a low voice, "Run away as fast as you can." No joke, that's what she said to me. Maybe she knows what he used to be like. Earlier today, he told me he had served six years in jail for attempting to rob someone at gunpoint. He was 17 and stupid. In the short time I've known him, I can tell he isn't that person anymore. I mean, we all mess up at least once, although some mistakes are worse than others. On my first day, he was the first person to talk to me, making me feel like less of an alien to Grotto's. He helped me run my food, bus my tables, carry the heavier trays, do my work-outs before leaving. Even before our slightly scandalous conversation, he said he wanted to visit me while I was at school; we've gotten that close in a matter of a month. Geez, this guy picked up a kitten he found in the middle of the road and sent out a mass text to everyone he knew, asking if they wanted him. When no one could take him, Cole decided to keep the cat himself, naming it Weasley to feed into his Harry Potter addiction. He even cleaned up the mess he made on his table for me and personally handed me a $6 tip for an $8 bill when he told me he wasn't going to tip me at all. Clearly, this guy is not the same person he was when he did those stupid things.
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